This past week was Holy Week. My thoughts should've been consumed by
what Jesus did for me when he died on the cross. My hope was that I
would spend time in the Word everyday and that I would be diligent about
my quiet time, giving myself time to reflect on my faith, my actions,
and my heart. I had every intention of talking with God each day and being reverent towards Holy Week. So, what happened you
ask? Well, the simple answer is: I overbooked myself, and my husband
was out of town for four days. Here's the long answer:
I
had an activity booked every morning of last week, which meant that I
was racing to get myself ready along with the kids each morning before
we left to drop the first one at kindergarten at 7:45am. Now, that is no
small feat, my friends. This means that I was not only getting three
children fed, dressed, and convinced to brush their hair and teeth, I
was also getting myself showered and looking presentable most of those
mornings. Yeah, yeah, we all have to do it, and maybe I'm just not as
good at it as some of you all are, but, whoa, my mornings certainly did
not start out with calmness, prayer, and quiet last week.
I
committed myself to making some food to show appreciation for our
teachers...I did this partly because I think that teachers have the
hardest job in the entire world, but I also did this because I thought
that people probably expected me to sign up for something. Here's the
problem...I wrote it down for the wrong day, so rather than planning
something super special for the teachers, I found myself scurrying
around at the last minute to find something in my pantry to get together
for these awesome folks. I landed on
Deviled Eggs. I LOVE deviled
eggs, so I'm not upset at my choice, but I am upset that I was not
prepared and that my heart was not in the right place while preparing
these eggs for some of the most important people my kids see everyday.
Moving
on to the kindergarten musical...we ended up racing home from swim
practice and throwing the kids in their clothes and tossing the baby off
to the babysitter before racing to the PTA meeting that would be
followed by the musical. I honestly couldn't tell you one thing that
happened at that PTA meeting. It probably wouldn't have mattered what
they asked me to vote for or against because I was distracted by my four
year old who was hungry, squirmy, and trying to sit still for the half
hour meeting before watching his brother perform. The musical was
adorable and totally worth sitting through the meeting
for; but, again, my
heart and my head were removed from where they needed to be, which was listening to the PTA leaders speak about our school's future.
Then there was the preschool
Easter egg hunt. The kids had so much fun...well, at least the older two
had fun...the baby was too busy pulling her straw out of her juicebox
and screaming when she tried to put it back in to hunt any eggs. Honestly, the whole event was not fun for me because the "screamer" just
makes things difficult when she starts one of her tantrums (she's 18
months old, so it's fine, and it will end, but it's really ear piercing
and brutal). Egg hunts never last long, so the effort to get kids there
and make sure they get their correct number of eggs, are good sports
during the hunt, and put their eggs back together at the end is just a
lot. I know, I sound like a
spoilsport, and I truly wish that I could've seen this afternoon through my children's eyes; unfortunately, this tired mama couldn't get my head there that day.
Also, my
hubby left for the Boston Marathon to cheer on his dad (who finished in 3:53 at 65 years old BTW!!)...his second marathon ever (for those of y'all who don't know,
that means he qualified for Boston during his first attempt which
is just amazing). Day one flying solo was good. The kids were little
angels all day, which was key since I had a lot of cooking/baking to do
for Easter brunch. They played sweetly together, they were kind, they
were polite, and they were blowing me away with how easy they were all
being. I was able to finish a
Squash Casserole, some
Peanut Butter Chocolate Bites, and some
Mini Lemon Tarts all in one swoop. This day qualifies as the great success of the week. We were set for an awesome Easter filled with church, friends, more egg hunts, and family.
Easter
morning approached. I was a disaster, my kids were a disaster, and I
was by myself trying to get us all to church and in our seats by 9am. One child didn't want to wear the coat that went to his seersucker suit,
my daughter's dress needed the hem let out and needed to be pressed,
one child got peanut butter on his shirt, and my zipper got stuck on my
dress all before 8:30am. We got to church, got the baby settled in the nursery, and I took my older two to
the contemporary service. I sincerely tried to get my heart in the
right place and to pay attention amidst the wiggling, the "I'm THIRSTY"'s, and the "Can I have a blue crayon?" during the prayer, but alas my mind was focused on my two little boys. I left feeling accomplished in having gotten my kids all dressed, looking cute, and to church on time, but I also left feeling sad that I completely missed the message of Easter amidst my own distractions.
The rest of the day was spent at
another egg hunt and at a super fun family brunch complete with its own
egg hunt, followed by some fun play time outside at home and then a
triple meltdown at 6pm and then a swift triple bedtime by 7pm. My
Easter dinner consisted of saltine crackers with cheddar cheese and a
glass of wine. My sister commented, "That made me so sad. You could've at least had some
water crackers and brie." No, no I couldn't. In the first place, I did
not have anything resembling those items in my kitchen; and, secondly, the cheese was
already cut and the crackers were on the counter. I was exhausted, and that cheese and those crackers (and that wine) were good enough that night.
Soccer
practice/game on the last night my hubby was away was the icing on the cake. It consisted of one child
crying at the end because he missed his last goal...he was inconsolable when we got
home. My other child was dog piling his other 4 year old teammates on
the sidelines while they were waiting to be called in...he may or may
not have jumped on another child with his cleats. And the "screamer"
was all over the place and OVER IT...soccer practice ends 15 minutes
after her bedtime. Another early night for us at the Lawson house. I
did actually make a reasonable, delicious dinner that night (
Chipotle Lime Chicken Tacos). This was not me trying to be super mom. This was simply
me being selfish. I just didn't want to eat another sandwich or cheese and crackers. I certainly wasn't pouring my love for my children and
my heart and soul into this meal like I do
every other night. ;)
All
of that to say, I went through the motions last week. I went through
the motions everywhere I needed to be. I was dressed appropriately, but
not perfectly; I had a smile on my face, but probably not as often as I
usually do; I had my three precious kiddos dressed (sometimes with food
all down their shirts) with teeth and hair brushed (not coiffed the way
it normally is) and always in tow. I went through the motions. That is
it. I didn't change the world or make anyone else's day better. I
didn't strengthen my faith or minister to the hearts of my three little
ones the way that I had planned to. I didn't have my laundry done or my house picked up. I didn't post five dinners on this
blog. I didn't offer to host Easter brunch. I went through the motions.
That was all I could muster last week. And, you know what? That was
fine. We can't all be "on" all of the time. We would wear ourselves
ragged. We can't all be perfect and polished and pouring out goodness at
all times. We shouldn't try to be. Sometimes, we just survive. We go
through the motions for our kids. We go through the motions for our
families. We go through the motions for ourselves because what else are
we going to do?
This week, I am back. My husband is back. My attitude is back. This week
can be my Holy Week. This week can be my re-do. This week I can work on
being my best rather than just getting through the day. This time it
took me a week to get back on track, but that's not always the case.
Sometimes, real "life" gets to you. You lose someone, you lose a job,
you lose control, you lose yourself. Your children get sick, your
parents get sick, you just get sick and tired. You can't seem to get it
together. All you can do is go through the motions. The thing about
going through the motions though is that, eventually, maybe a ways
down the road, you'll get back on track. You'll be okay. We will all be
okay. We don't have to be perfect, but we can't run away and hide. We
have to go through the motions, make it through the day, through the week, through life. Some days are harder than others, but, through it all, we have to be true to ourselves, we have to show up for ourselves and the people we love, and we have to get through this crazy life together.
Happy Cooking!
Perfectly Moist Chicken (shared with me by my sister)
